Tag Archives: Family

Parenting vs Grandparenting

A grandmother's job is to spoil her grandchild.

jigg’s parents have never told jigg that they love him; but they tell their grandson (jigg’s nephew) they love him all the time.

Family Planning

jigg and I during one of our family planning discussions. It's hard dealing with first world problems!

I’m not making up the stat for the cost of raising a kid (click here for source).

Philosophy on how to raise kids

Although jigg and I don’t plan on having children for a while, we have already began formulating our united strategy on how to raise our kids.  We’ve discussed everything from Western versus Eastern style of parenting (Read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom) to what the most advantageous month of the year is to give birth (Read Outliers).

I believe that kids learn to manipulate people and situations to their advantage from an early age.  For example, babies know crying gets them attention, so they learn to fake cry to get more attention even if nothing is wrong.  Or they purposely misbehave to get things their way.  This is something jigg and I are determined not to let our kids win at.

I learned alot from observing other people’s parenting.  For example, my mother in law was babysitting our one and a half year old nephew this past week.  The little brat already figured out how to walk all over her!  We kept telling her that she needs to be stern when reprimanding him and NOT smile or give him a hug immediately after.  But she doesn’t listen, and as a result, our nephew just ignores her every time she tries to discipline him.  Or he cries when he doesn’t get things his way.

We were at a family BBQ over the weekend and our aunt was telling us how hard it was to feed her three-year old grandson sometimes – because the child needs to be coaxed during meals to swallow his food. Upon hearing this, jigg and I both suspected that the child knows he will get extra attention from NOT eating, so he does it on purpose!

jigg: If the kid doesn’t want to eat, then stop force feeding him! I’m sure if he’s hungry, he’d eat whatever you give him.

Aunt: I don’t have the heart to do that.  What if the kid starves?!

jigg: I’m sure he’d come to you or cry to get your attention when he’s hungry.

Aunt: Kids sometimes don’t know these things! It’s unsettling to even let him get hungry.  When you have kids of your own, you’d understand.

jigg: A kid who doesn’t know when he’s hungry – that’s just crazy!  That’s basic instincts.  Even animals know this.  If my kid doesn’t know how to cry when he’s hungry, then he deserves to starve…

This went on for a good five minutes until the Aunt concluded that young couples like us just don’t understand. I told jigg that I want to be a Tiger Mom and be absolutely strict with our kids, but he called BS and said I’d turn into a marshmallow.

The Guest List

As I plan this wedding, I realize that a huge part of the decision making process involves filtering people – either in or out. For example, the people you ask to be in your bridal party, invite as your guests, or follow-up with if they don’t RSVP in time…versus the people you don’t. Although not explicitly stated, these actions are measures of how important certain individuals are to us and let others gauge where they stand in our lives as well.  But problems arise when there’s a discrepancy in what we think and what they think.

I have had family and friends who were offended because they found out about my engagement through Facebook rather than getting a call from me or weren’t invited to the civil ceremony when jigg and I got married at City Hall.  That’s just a small group of people…currently, jigg and I are making our wedding guest list and I can see how difficult the filtering process can be on a larger scale.  Especially because jigg knows so many people!

I always feel like there’s a giant elephant in the room when you’re in the company of someone you fairly well, who knows about your wedding but is not invited. Do you just not talk about the wedding at all? Should I explain myself? Because no matter how I phrase it, the underlying message is that the person just didn’t make the cut…

Then there are awkward situations when people automatically assume they’re invited when they’re actually not. It’s actually a huge pet peeve when people tell me, “I can’t wait to go to your wedding!” or put me on the spot and ask, “I’m invited right?”  Unless that person is extremely close to me, I think that’s one of the rudest questions to ask.

I still don’t have a response to this so I just smile and ignore the question.  But at least I know what not to do around other engaged couples:

  • Assume that you’ll be invited/Ask to be invited.
  • Bring up the wedding if you’re in a group of people where everyone isn’t invited.
  • Feel offended because you’re not invited.  The bride and groom may want a very very intimate wedding or simply just can’t afford a  larger wedding.  They’re stressed enough as is, don’t add to it.

And We Lived Happily Ever After

jigg and I got married in a civil ceremony at the Staten Island City Hall.  My mom and aunt, jigg’s parents, sister, brother-in-law, and best friend attended the small ceremony.

Staten Island City Hall Chapel

Civil Ceremony

Wedding Bands. Yes, jigg's wedding band is THE One Ring.

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